Munchausen by Proxy




my mother has mirrors
like those intricately carved
and gilded in gold
what a queen
might have used
or film stars
of the 1940’s
who
without their mirrors
and stories of old
the scrubbing never ended
the scrubbing of dishes,
and pots and plates
it could never be finished
what I mean is
one was always
Cinderella’s

jealous step sister
with too big feet
or the second one in line
for the throne
the third runner up
for some kind of
film star award
no matter what one’s
royal lineage
until one took off

one’s apron
to relax for a bit
perhaps mom took off
a pink one

the one with green stitching
and pointed and starched
black lace
that she had sewn
all by herself

from scraps
she had retrieved from

the rag bin
and found herself
content to cast image
onto something
or someone

else for awhile
and that’s how it all
got started
so long ago
the spell casting

of images
Mom’s magic mirrors
the mistaking
of her own reflection
for a daughter
in the silverware
or the dinner plates
Mom still holds things up
for inspection
wherever she finds
her magic mirrors
and sees reflections
and hears voices
that seem to make life
not shiny enough
or make the neighbors
gossip and point

and now
all I have to remember

remember her by
Mom’s true self
is my own grief
when she casts with
such impunity
and purpose
like a professional
to make me the object
of all that she despises
in her imagination
inside of herself







Missouri Moon



I left her
in Southgate
a rose dahlia
she had something
on her mind
something

to keep
the Missouri moon
rose o’er me
a lantern

in the sky
telling me secrets
that she

couldn’t speak
isn’t it ironic
mortal men

find her brilliant
as reflection

of the sun
but just as

morning beckons
she weeps

like Mara
whose waters
we cannot drink
Missouri moon

caress my face
mediatrix

to mitigate
a divide
Missouri moon

I beg you
guide me home
for I still sense

paradox
only you
can guide me
to a journey
without grief



https://youtu.be/iEDusVxVKbA






Candlelight Ritual

candle

candlelight
lend me your mystery
draw me into the night
that I might discover
something more

more than the shadows

that vague and opaque
that hunt and haunt
my loose-latched
front door

and make my footing
unsure
as I step out
in a fog-like cloak
of non disclosure

instead of transparency
the wraith wants to
mark my death
and make sure
my stories aren’t told

like a cold, old lady
who sweeps puzzle pieces
under the rug

without me asking
from my kitchen floor

candlelight

oh beautiful,
magical candlelight


that’s not the cleansing

that I’m looking for
but it’s getting simpler
now

for I sense you’re a portal
my knowing,
my door,

my non material
that’s nonetheless more secure

as you lend me your flame
and close tightly behind me

to make my heart pulsate
like you

in discovering that more

in what you illumine

that clear and that brilliant
beyond mask, doors and floors

the sharp white and black

that’s not stale or despondent
it’s like an outline of tree limbs
cutting up through to the sky

and beyond time
as if
we could reach heaven’s height
in humble candlelight
and reverse alchemy

I know you can take me there
with outstretched arms
and the face in whose eyes
I look upon


as they reflect my own

that I’ve never seen before
oh candlelight,
that contains all mysteries


wake me up
with kind smile
and words from that mystery
that lies right before me
tonight

black cloaked woman

Social Distancing Dinner

place setting

At ninety
the wicked stepmother
returns
bringing with her delusions
fueled on Fox News,
white bread
and mayonnaise
I can see it in her eyes
right before
she turns

unable to manage
her own fork
she attacks me with words
for being younger than her,
serving healthy food,
and for my refusing
to choke
on the color
of my ex-husband’s
new wife’s
brown skin
I hold onto my water bottle
for what else is there
to hold onto
when you want to wash
something other
than color off your skin
like a virus
she’d like to pass on
through generational channels
does she really imagine
peace is made
chewing with mouths open
excusing ourselves
in the Lord
she says it’s not just the skin
don’t you know
it’s their culture
and they should be used
to uncharitable remarks
by now,
anyhow
she adds that his mother
must be rolling over
in her grave
I say perhaps
perhaps that’s true
Mom
because after all
I don’t think racists
get to go to heaven
and I squirt her
with water
just the side of her face
don’t you know
because she tries to fling
her dinner plate
at me
of chicken salad
on baby spinach
with those little, tiny
mandarin oranges
that came in the can
with the pull back ring
but it’s too late
anyway
and it comes flying
at me
across my kitchen table

 

her own fork
she attacks me with words
for being younger than her,
serving healthy food,
and refusing to choke
on the skin color
of my ex-husband’s
new wife’s
brown skin
I hold onto my water bottle
tightly
for what else is there
to hold onto
and clutch
when  you want to scream
and wash something
other than color
from your skin
like a virus
passed unwittingly
from one generation
to the next
did she really think
we would eat
with our mouths open
our unkindness

Good Measure

age-of-wisdom-1938

be counsel to yourself
and take good measure
of good food
of good words
of sunshine
and rain

be counsel to yourself
and take good measure
of good laughter
of good song
of activity
and repose

none of this
is charity measured
but abundance itself
and sweet gratitude
for the self
and the other

for in the end
we are all the parent
we are all the voice
much like the God
who brought us here

and in the end
we are all the love
much like the joy
and potent wisdom
that keeps the world kind

Reluctant

f6096bde7a5b5cbf556ccb5528edbe46--pale-moon-the-winter

Reluctant,
he slows down
like a well seasoned Friday
approaching
that event horizon

where time cannot touch us

we sit at the edge and wait
for time to also slow
for on this side
time cannot really stop

by the light of the moon

there’s a shack
or a house, or a hut, or a lake
it’s wherever the lovers meet
in their imagined reality

can they see them? I think not

can they hear them?
I say what for?
come with me, my friend, he says
quietly opening her door

can I think it, like a shore?

an idea written inside of a notebook
can I be it, like a book
an idea written inside of her head?

sweet ghost, you are mine I know

elusive in your transparentness

 

Floating Rain

sacred geometry

the universe danced
like a bout of rowdy lovemaking
yet also like a sacred, secret shared
pure
between father and daughter

the universe danced
as if to remind her
of when she danced
besides its still waters
long before the heavens were made

look, I can float the rain
he cried
and she delighted in it
for she was both in it,
and was it

much like the creatures
that played by her side
in that night of gravity upended
to remind her of love’s
incarnation

who am I to be gifted
so sweet
who am I
oh mystery complete

that I would find myself floating

inside the floating rain

Tour of Duty

the spy

she once met a man
who transformed his state

by material means
like a vehicle in wait

oh military,
industrial complex

she again met the man
now he’s transformed his look

not by inner reflection
or that of the book

that predicts his own
tragic destruction

for one can’t protect
a security idol

and one can’t reject
the knowledge one seeks

wisdom is each child
looking out of a window

not the theory 
that men can save millions

the question is not
is he good
is he bad

and the question is not
is she happy
or sad

the question has always been
whom do you trust?

and who would steal I
for material us?

 

Underground Railroads

blog image snow white looking

Guardians of Light
protect us from darkness,
from not seeing,
from not hearing,
from building walls to not know

Protect us from paralysis and fear,
from judgements against self,
and others
that grow like tangled weeds and knots
upon our broken heartedness

Show us instead
signs that lead way
keys that unlock,
and doors that open quietly
right through our scars and cracks

Show us pathways to freedom
turbulent though they may be
t
hat one day we’ll arrive, joyous,
inside grand and inner sanctum
so large, no heart can
contain it

And then we will fall
upon bended knee
to kiss the sweet soil
that births the sacred, the true, and the immortal 

“I”